From the Department of Stale News and Current Affairs, it seems another senator has taken up the mantle to protect the dignity of fellow Filipinos and the motherland. Whether or not we want him to.

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Indolent reader Atty.Victor P. says that the country is in dire straits indeed if media can devote a segment on the morning news to PacMom Dionisia Pacquiao’s love life. And he may be right.

True, the world of entertainment news is pretty much about making much ado about things like sexy dancing and the Gutierrez family, so we shouldn’t really expect much.

But how slow a news day is it when you can actually feature PacMom’s alleged romance with a dance instructor for an entire chikaminute?

Surely there are other more important issues out there?

Baguio City has declared low-brow comedian Candy Pangilinan persona non grata in the City of Pines, and rightfully so.

Apparently, she opened her act in SM Baguio with this line, guaranteed to set back highlander-lowlander relations by at least 50 years: “akala nyo Igorot ako, hindi ako Igorot, tao po ako! (You thought I was an Igorot! I’m not an Igorot, I’m a person!”)

Not quite sure the crowd got the joke, she said it again, earning her a smack down from the Baguio city council. Which, really, was her getting off pretty easy considering how bad ass Igorots are. These people had the balls to go up against Lam-ang, the Ilokano Wolverine, once upon a time.

She apologized soon after, saying that she “did not mean to hurt anyone, especially the Igorots from whom I know our roots come from.” Patently untrue, she will soon also be banned from anthropology departments everywhere.

The provincial board of Catanduanes wants the government to ban airing of a TV ad for corrupting the minds of thousands of children into thinking remittance is spelled L-B-C.

While proper spelling is fundamental, unless banking is now an elementary school subject, nobody would really have noticed.

What is a man? If you answered ‘a miserable pile of secrets,’ then you are a bigger geek than we are and you need to get out of 1994.

But if you have been following the drama over at Tunay na Lalake, you’ll know it takes all sorts to make a real man.

The drama is believed to have started over at facebook, where men who like men accused the ‘real’ men of sexist macho shit.

The ‘real’ men retaliated by claiming that men who like men simply do not understand real men.

This, of course, is like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. Or waving a [insert sex organ] in front of [insert gender demographic corresponding to the aforementioned sex organ for maximum sexist joke].

Meanwhile, women, real or otherwise, remain unimpressed.

–premadonna (not a real man)

The National Police Commission has announced that 90% of our Philippine National Police cannot shoot straight, and do not even know how to maintain their guns.

And that isn’t really surprising, since 90% of our encounters with the police does not involve running gun battles and bitter house-to-house fighting.

I mean, it’s pretty unrealistic for us to expect them to be expert marksmen when they’re already busy being assholes, extorting grease money from people, and acting like they own the road. Getting in some shooting time at the range is close to impossible with the schedules they keep.

And it isn’t just the schedule, either. We are a cash-strapped nation, and the PNP has to set its priorities. If we spent our money on training rounds, we’d never get any junketing done.