Atty. Romulo Macalintal, Cunning Linguist

I wanna be a National Artist too!

I wanna be a National Artist too!

Law expert Atty. Romulo Macalintal has officially joined the ranks of government apologists like House Speaker Prospero Nograles, Presidential legal adviser and zombie lord Raul Gonzalez and douchbag extraordinaire Michael Defensor by resorting to that finest of legal arguments: the ad hominem.

In a press briefing this week, Macalintal attacked Philippine media, and journalists in general, for expecting his principal, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to live a moral life when they themselves are corrupt.

“If we’re talking about morality, you should take a look at yourselves, at the informercials you’re running which could be violating the law,” he said, referring to pre-campaign “advocacy” ads that have been airing on the major networks (of which several were produced by government agencies.)

“If you already know it is immoral, then why advertise? Why accept the advertisement? Doesn’t that also make you immoral?,” he asked, vindicating his boss not at all.

“Who among us here is clean anyway?,” he asked, adding that journalists receive pay offs just like politicians do.

He also took a jab at American media saying, “why don’t you ask the New York Post the basis for bringing up the issue of immorality, given there are many poor Filipinos.”  What indeed?

In Defense of Carlo J.C. (J.C. stands for Jesus Christ)

God Help Us! Carlo J. Caparas has a point, or at least a talking point worth spinning into the age-old rich vs. poor rhetoric that political debate at any level always boils down to.

In a recent radio interview, Direk Carlo J., argued that other National Artists protesting his being awarded a National Artist are dry, old academics whose works are only read in college classrooms. He, on the other hand, is “a National Artist who came from the masses.”

National Artists Virgilio Almario, F. Sionil Jose and Bienvenido Lumbera should be kissing his feet, he said, because finally, there is a national artist “who the masses can identify with—someone who walks beside them, someone who can inspire them.” Inspire them to massacre people, I suppose, or to put on superhero costumes. Or maybe the object lesson is to pray to God in the face of horrible crimes. Whatever. The point is the inspiration is right there for the taking. Whereas, of course, students have to slog through novels and short stories (and go to college, I guess) before picking up some sort of lesson from these old writer guys.

And, really, that’s it isn’t it? A National Artist should be someone who embodies the culture of his people. And if we happen to appreciate fantaseryes and komiks more than we do literature and films that make us think, then Carlo J. Caparas as national artist makes total sense. In the end, the main criterion is “having made significant contributions to the development of Philippine arts.” Nobody said that it should be a development we necessarily welcome.

And come on, guys. How can anyone argue with his wife Donna Villa who said “even Jesus Christ was criticized because of his boldness to save mankind from sins”? Do you know who else has used that defense? Cebu Rep. Pablo Garcia for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Also, and to much less success, Jesus.

I am Jesus. Christ!

I am Jesus. Christ!

It’s the same thing with Nazis and Godwin’s Law, I guess. As the list of someone’s critics in a Catholic third world country grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Jesus approaches 1. This is M‘s Law, and marks the end of rational discussion.

San Miguel Makes Coffee Perfect, Offends God

DrinkToPerfection

The Dutch say that coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. No doubt, they say it in that sing-song way of theirs, but this is true. True, coffee has pretty much gone the Belo route over the past decade with the whipped cream and hazelnut syrup and being served over ice. But that’s just, you know, artistic license. Under all that fluff, the coffee remained pretty much just coffee whether it was grown ethically or was pooped out by a civet.
San Miguel takes coffee to a whole new level with its Pro-Health coffee, though. As the company describes it, Pro-Health Coffee is “delicious, sugar-free, cholesterol-free, low in fat, low in calories, and absolutely aromatic…the coffee made perfect, San Mig Coffee Pro-Health.” In other words, it’s an abomination unto God.
San Mig Coffee Pro-Power has 10 mg of Gingko Biloba for virility and mental superiority. Pro-Beauty has 250 mg of collagen for tighter skin (and possibly fuller lips,) and Pro-Slim has 200 mg of that L-Carnitine that will supposedly save you the effort of actual exercise. Pro-Fiber on the other hand will help you poop regularly, which, I suppose is some sort of super power.
It’s better living through chemistry perverted to create a coffee so superior that it will not only keep you awake, but will also make you a better person. It’s a bit like MGH*  but with the value added of a caffeine high.Which, I guess,  you’ll need, as you spend your nights alone and fearful of human beings who will misunderstand and resent your increased intellect and supernatural beauty.

The Dutch say that coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. No doubt, they say it in that sing-song way of theirs, but this is true. True, coffee has pretty much gone the Belo route over the past decade with the whipped cream and hazelnut syrup and being served over ice. But that’s just, you know, artistic license. Under all that fluff, the coffee remained pretty much just coffee whether it was grown ethically or was pooped out by a civet.

San Miguel takes coffee to a whole new level with its Pro-Health coffee, though. As the company describes it, Pro-Health Coffee is “delicious, sugar-free, cholesterol-free, low in fat, low in calories, and absolutely aromatic…the coffee made perfect, San Mig Coffee Pro-Health.” In other words, it’s an abomination unto God.

San Mig Coffee Pro-Power has 10 mg of Gingko Biloba for virility and mental superiority. Pro-Beauty has 250 mg of collagen for tighter skin (and possibly fuller lips,) and Pro-Slim has 200 mg of that L-Carnitine that will supposedly save you the effort of actual exercise. Pro-Fiber on the other hand will help you poop regularly, which, I suppose is some sort of super power.

It’s better living through chemistry perverted to create a coffee so superior that it will not only keep you awake, but will also make you a better person. It’s a bit like MGH*  but with the value added of a caffeine high. Which, I guess,  you’ll need, as you spend your nights alone and fearful of human beings who will misunderstand and resent your increased intellect and supernatural beauty.

sentinel

L-CARNITINE DETECTED!

*Mutant Growth Hormone — Mutie Lovin’ OneTamad

Maling Akala

onetamadakalaWith at least half of the posts on Sen. Manuel Villar, Jr.’s pre-campaign campaign website blatantly singing him praises, there really is one logical conclusion to make.

Of course, there are also legitimate posts on his website. Like this one that reduced me to inconsolable weeping :

hanapmework

As always, the comment thread is open for your own Maling Akala.

Indio Internet Weekly Digest 4

Every weekend, Indolent Indio comes out with a short and hastily-done roundup of things we’ve found on the Internet (pinoy chapter, of course.)

Quality, quantity and content may vary.

thx, pinoychan /b/

thx, pinoychan /b/

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Vice President De Castro wins overpriced, low-quality swag, loses P100 thousand to Aowa scammers.

Hay Men! still getting hits over basically the same joke.

SilentSketcher imagines a FastFood Mafia.

Of particular note: Ron “The Don” McDonald and Grimace.

Humanap ka ng pundit: New Philippine Revolution falls for Sen. Manuel Villar, Jr. giving away houses on Wowowee.

Valby says: “people seem to think that we’ll all get Camella Homes if he wins.”

Aptly, Villar’s pre-campaign web site is called Akala Mo.

Ricky Remembers things that you may have forgotten from the ’80s and ’90s.

Internet royalty Reyna Elena launches ‘online’ yellow ribbon campaign for Pres. Corazon Aquino. Everything from protest to moral support is 2.0 now.

FreshManila is selling “Idol Ko” Hayden Kho shirts.  Go get ’em, “Eric Cruz”!

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Do you have a link that should be on Indio Internet? Tweet us or leave a comment to contribute.

Pasaway: Drug Cop’s Daughter Totally Lying About Being Kidnapped and Raped

News of the abduction and rape of the daughter of an anti-drug agent rocked the country yesterday with some quarters calling for a lynching, and with both the President and the Speaker of the House calling for a revival of the death penalty. Staunch defender of women and morality Sen. Ramon Revilla, Jr., for his part, said nothing.

The Philippine National Police went the extra mile, however, and trumped the entire government by solving the case within hours of the story getting out.

They say that there was no abduction, no drugging and no rape. It was a drinking spree gone wrong is what it was. What happened was that the girl skipped school, got drunk and was brought home past curfew. The whole “I got abducted and raped by drug lords” story was just an alibi.
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Indolent Internet Weekly Digest 3

Every weekend, Indolent Indio comes out with a short and hastily-done roundup of things we’ve found on the Internet (pinoy chapter, of course.)

Quality, quantity and content may vary.

Brought to you in part by C.P. Garcia Fine Fashion

Brought to you in part by C.P. Garcia Fine Fashion

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Group pickets outside Belo Medical Group clinic over botched butt job.

Free as in speech: Actual cost of that “free” iPhone from Globe Telecoms could reach up to P119,976.

Our Awesome Planet seeks out the origin of Lechon Bread: bread in the shape of a roast pig (but still bread.)

Sort of related: a defunct blog reminisces on Orange Swits.

Elsewhere in fun food, chipper cupcakes. Fist-sized orgasms for your mouth.

Batang Baler mourns the commodification of Baler, Aurora in the form of “pirated” inauthentic statement shirts: “If you buy this shirt, you’re probably gay and not from Baler.”

Japanese fast-food joint Teriyaki Boy talks down to Chicken Mafia’s Joyful Chicken: “Puro hilaw po yun. Okey lang?” (“It’s all raw. Is that okay?”)

(On a personal note, my girlfriend and I have shunned TB after their Gateway branch poisoned us with bad sushi.)

Blatant mining of the ’90s gangster in an Impala trope aside, this video by Dcoy feat.Artstrong & Luke Mejares is, as they say, hella tight. Uh…

The Siege Malvar’s How To Put Make Up on Dead People. Big Band and blush-on. God…damn. Not sure if trap.

Humanap ka ng Pundit: Joey De Venecia calls House Speaker Prospero Nograles a “leadership totally out of touch with the will of the people.” Because, you know, his dad was never the president’s lackey.

Baron Geisler Is An Instant Classic

PEP‘s coverage of the continuing adventures of Baron Geisler is full of both WIN and FAIL at the same time:

May kuwento pa na ipinaihaw pa raw ni Baron ang isang parrot at ginawang pulutan.

Pero napag-alaman later on na ang sinasabing “parrot” ay parrotfish, isang klase ng isda na kinakain daw talaga.

(It was reported that Baron even had a parrot barbecued to go with his beer.

But it was later learned that that the ‘parrot’ was actually a parrot fish.)

Baron Geisler would totally eat a parrot

Baron Geisler would totally eat a parrot

That is all.

(Thanks for the link, Juancho Bombero!)

Is “Mike Chanco” our Larry Flynt?

This is not the porn you were looking for.

This is not the porn you were looking for.

Why should we care about the guy who the National Bureau of Investigation alleges was the first to upload the Hayden Kho-Katrina Halili videos onto the Internet? (or about Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili at all, if you think about it.)
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