Leyte Rep. Lucy Torres Gomez: legislator, TV host, magic fairy

In Worse Than Free (2005), journalist and personal superhero Vergel Santos scored Noli de Castro for shilling a brand of brandy in a television commercial while still a news presenter for ABS-CBN.

He said de Castro, by agreeing to endorse Emperador Brandy, “increased his television exposure, not to mention his
earnings” and ended up topping the 2001 senatorial elections. And it was based on a bald-faced lie.

The point is he got where he is partly by misrepresenting himself and breaching ethics: As one who never touched the stuff, he was less than truthful in his brandy commercial, and as a media person, less than proper.

Since then, the worlds of advertising and politics have overlapped so often that Philippine media is like New york City (Earth-616)in the Marvel Universe.

Except with less costumes, more barongs

Senator Francis Escudero’s endorsement of Technomarine is only among the latest, but Senators Loren Legarda, Panfilo Lacson, and former senator Richard Gordon have all appeared in ads for laundry detergent, a dermatologist, and for anti-bacterial soap. Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao falls in a different category altogether for endorsing every product ever made, and for being a part-time congressman.

Those ads, at least, were based on reality. Escudero wears a watch, Legarda wears clothes, and Gordon washes his hands (also, he donated his talent fee to the Red Cross, he said). Senator Lacson has nice skin, I guess.  Pacquiao is Pacquiao, the closest thing the Philippines has to an actual Thor (half god/half congressman). Not so these recent ads by Lucy Torres Gomez, Leyte representative and fairy of some sort.

In a series of TV commercials for a brand of detergent, Gomez is portrayed as some sort of fairy/superhero in the fight against mildew and laundry that smells of damp. She even has corny catch phrases like “Wash out!”, “Kaya ng powers ko (my powers can handle this!), and “More powers to you!”

"Wash Out!"

Sadly, she is not speaking of the powers of Congress to hold inquiries in aid of legislation and to craft laws but of the stain-beating, mildew-removing powers of this detergent of which she is the personification.

Listen, we get that politics is mostly a joke in this country, and we have very low expectations when we elect actors (and their spouses) to the legislature, but come on.

There is a certain gravitas to legislation and we expect our lawmakers to act a certain way. Sure, you can go ahead and steal our money, let your children act like beasts now and then, but at least do it with dignity. Save the silly costumes for the annual State of the Nation Address.

This is no basis for a system of government

By Jingo!

By Jingo! There is nothing like having a rich and heavily-armed neighbor sniffing around your backdoor to whip our politicians into a nationalistic fervor.

Although the Palace has officialy called for calm on the issue of Chinese navy ships cruising near the Kalayaan Island Group, Paranaque Representative Roilo Golez wants to hit the Middle Kingdom where it hurts: its international image.

“We can deliver speeches and statements in Asean (Association of Southeast Asian Nations), UN (United Nations), Apec (Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation), IPU (Inter-Parliamentary Union), various parliaments especially the US Congress, Australia, Japan, South Korea. We should internationalize the issue in both official and unofficial channels,” Golez said.

Golez, who believes everything on Wikipedia  is true , said China’s image abroad is where it is “most vulnerable and where a credible attack can be launched and sustained.” He even suggested a “diplomatic alliance” with Vietnam despite that country also claiming the Spratlys as theirs.

 

The loose strategy seems to be to pressure groups like Asean and the UN (where China sits on the security council) to, I don’t know, say some pretty words about sovereignty and freedom.

"Good luck with that, guys."

Over the weekend, Albay Governor Joey Salceda, a former economic adviser to the Arroyo government, suggested a boycott of China-made goods. “Let us boycott ‘Made in China’ products. Buy Filipino. Let us hurt them where it counts,” he reportedly told his constituents on Independence Day a few decades too late. With no real industries to speak of, buying Filipino at this point will hurt us more, and where it counts.

 

Not keen on Filipinos basically not buying anything they can afford, the Palace was quick to reject the proposal.

“Governor Salceda, like many other Filipinos, has strong opinions regarding the issue of the West Philippine Sea and we respect that. However, a boycott of Chinese products is not administration policy at this point,” deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte said.

If you grew up knowing that the Spratlys were in the South China Sea (and if you were born before today, that includes you), then more fool you. As every red-blooded Filipino knows, the Spratlys are in the West Philippine Sea, according to the country’s latest campaign to legitimize our claim over the islands.

 

(Palace spokesman Edwin NMI) Lacierda said the Palace was taking its cue from the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) which has been using “West Philippine Sea” in the series of letters and notes verbales protesting China’s incursions into areas that the DFA claims were well within Philippine territory.

The DFA earlier explained that using “West Philippine Sea” to refer to the waters where the disputed territories lie was “in keeping with our tradition and history as well as reflective of its proper geographic location.”

No longer can China use that foulest of the arguments  used by playground bullies: “I don’t see your name on it.” You can see it now, China. You can see it now.

 

Senator Francis Pangilinan also chimed in on the issue with a statement that on one hand is irrelevant, and on the other hand, isn’t true at all: “The Philippines has a long history of freedom and popular uprisings against tyranny and the arrogance of power. We will never allow any superpower to bully us into submission.”

 

Happy post-Independence Day, everybody.

—

Except you, Renato Pacifico, you fink.

Anti-Social Media: bickering on the beat

This is both an illustration and a clue

It’s boys versus girls at one major news beat, an anonymous source tells us.

 

The conflict apparently started at a sponsored excursion (which is what people used to call junkets in the 1980s) where tequila (which people used to drink in the 1990s) and hormones combined in a cocktail of conflict.

 

To keep things wholesome, guys were billeted together in one room, and girls were supposed to sleep in another room. Reporters being a drunken and unwholesome lot, one guy reporter ended up sleeping in the girls’ room after they asked him to hang out for a while.

 

This, apparently, did not fly with the other guy reporters because a. ancient laws of propriety were broken, b. they wanted to hang out with the girl reporters too, c. they said that reporter was just faking drunkenness to sleep in the girls’ room. Not to, you know, get laid or anything like that. Just to get to hang out with girls. Which, I don’t know, should only piss you off for not thinking of it first.

 

So, the guys got pissed off at drunken reporter guy for being better at chicks (and being less married) than they were, and at the girls for falling for it, I guess.

 

The conflict has reportedly resulted in snide remarks being thrown around, passive-aggressive status messages on Facebook and other social media, and an actual shouting match between a hotshot guy reporter and a girl reporter, both from major broadsheets.

 

Another source says the conflict has even reached the people these reporters are supposed to be covering. They have been asking reporters about the conflict, possibly because they think they have the monopoly on petty word wars and easily-offended pride.

 

One one hand, it’s nice to know that the media has been practicing self regulation and respects family values. On the other hand, it’s sad that that self regulation is on something as silly as this.

 

From what sources have been telling Indolent Indio, being on the take is okay as long as you don’t act like you’re a chick magnet.

Live blogging the Rapture

Well, it has been a long and strange trip, but all things must come to an end. We have had a lot of good laughs here at Indolent Indio, but Harold Camping, “a tireless student of the Bible for over five decades,” says its time to shut things down on account of  the world ending on May 21, 2011.

On that day, the tribulation begins, Camping’s Family Radio Worldwide says. There will be a great earthquake “so powerful it will throw open all graves” and dead good people will go to heaven.

 

The Raptcha! Coming to getcha!

 

“On the other hand, the bodies of all unsaved people will be thrown out upon the ground to be shamed. The inhabitants who survive this terrible earthquake will exist in a world of horror and chaos beyond description,” Camping says. So, it goes without saying we won’t be updating this blog much after that.

As a final gesture of thanks to Indolent Indio readers who have been with us through the years, we shall be live blogging the Rapture. In fact, our last few days of online existence will be devoted to the Rapture (and characteristic laziness).

Please follow us on twitter (@indolentindio) and let’s wail together about the end times. Let us make our cries for mercy a trending topic. And may God bless us, every one.

This Pageant is Decadent and Depraved

Pic in no way related

A dispatch from Calatagan, Batangas reports that a certain beauty pageant is now what “That’s Entertainment!” and talent shows of its ilk were in the 1980s and 1990s: a hunting ground for politicians looking for starlets.

Not that Indolent Indio is in any way a credible source of information, but our baby mouse tells us that many candidates have politicians as backers and sponsors.

Said patronage can get weird sometimes. Like in the case of the mayor of the Municipality of Birdland (obviously not the actual name of the municipality, but it would have been awesome if so) who backs one candidate and wants her to win.

But Birdland already had an official candidate and she didn’t want to give way to the mayor’s bet. So the mayor has his candidate run to represent the neighboring Municipality of Macondo.

With that, municipal support for Miss Birdland dried up and she wasn’t even allowed to use the municipality’s van to get around. It is not a huge leap to think that that support went to Miss Macondo, actually a resident of Birdland.

The questionable wisdom in using municipal funds to pay for candidate aside (a win, could, after all, up the municipality’s prestige), using those funds to pay for a candidate from another town is downright treacherous.

Pageants have also apparently evolved much from the stage mommies (and families)
we saw in “Little Miss Sunshine” and, well, the actual Little Miss Philippines.

Our baby mouse says candidates have managers and handlers now, and they have machinery in place to help ensure a win. Envelopes for reporters and bloggers covering the event, say. He said this will help justify a rigged win.

The managers are particularly worried about one candidate, the favorite of a local politician where the pageant’s finals will be held. They say will likely win because her backer agreed to provide a venue for the finals.

The existence of pageants in a country that claims respect for women is debatable but the backdoor deals and back stories suggest that they are more than just about who is the smartest and prettiest.

If we are picking beauties who will represent the Philippines in international pageants, then the apple should go to the fairest, not to who paid the most.

Baron Geisler Watch Update

Baron Geisler Watch

Mothers will not have to hide their daughters (or themselves)
just yet. Method actor Baron Geisler will stay in rehab for
three more months.

Geisler checked himself into Penuel House in San Juan
for his alcoholism and boob-grabbiness related to
his alcoholism.

“The three-month rehabilitation period that Baron
subjected himself to ended last month.

However, the former child actor said he has decided
that the time he has spent in rehab has not been enough for him
to learn what he needs to learn.

“You know, kulang pa ang three months (the three months
was not enough, as already stated in the last paragraph).
So, I decided to stay longer,” said Baron.

Having to deal with a crippling social illness myself (lack of manners
and excessive shyness), I really do wish Mr. Geisler the best.

He has joined the Christian church that runs the rehabilitation center,
and now prefers sliced bread and peanut butter, apparently.

Dad punches baby to death

Restitoto Ibo Jr, a shitbag jeepney conductor in Cebu punched his one-year-old baby to death
for, well, being such a baby.

“Ibo said he was trying to put Patrick to sleep in a hammock but the child kept on crying.
Having lost patience, Ibo punched and slapped the child.”

As a former contributor to Smart Parenting magazine,I know that babies
can generally only do three things:sleep, cry, shit themselves. Sometimes all at the same time.

Not among a baby’s skills: not crying so his dad won’t get mad, withstanding repeated punches
to the head,and choosing to not be born to a shitbag father or an incompetent mother.

Best Press Statement Ever!

Senator Ralph Recto and his media team deserve an award for Best Reaction to Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez’s Resignation. It will probably be a one-off award and will not be as respected as a Pulitzer, but still, props to the guy for this wonderful press statement:

“This means that the latest reality TV show gets axed even before the first live episode is aired. We won’t be wearing those togas anymore. But it is a cancellation that both the actors and the audience do welcome. It doesn’t mean however that this is ‘The End’ of this political telenovela because we are speaking here of one person’s resignation and not the termination of the judicial proceedings that the cases will have to go through. The action simply shifts to the proper forum – the courts – where these cases duly belong.”

"The impeachment is a telenovela. That is all I have to say about that."

While his colleagues were talking about how the biggest (perceived) hindrance to getting some sort of justice after nine years of anomalies under then president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, Recto–a former Arroyo ally–went another way. He probably knew that going that route would mean he’d be overshadowed by media darlings like Senator Francis Escudero so he just said “Fuck it. Let’s have some fun with this.”

And for that, he deserves a slow clap and the only post Indolent Indio will do on the ombudsman’s resignation.

Here is an infographic

Times mentioned alongside plagiarism on GMA New Online

According to a non-scientific and totally haphazard survey conducted by Indolent Indio research staff, news website GMA News Online has 25 stories that mention plagiarism in the Supreme Court and four stories that mention PLDT chairman Manuel Pangilinan and his “borrowed” graduation speech.

Columnist and writer Krip Yuson, who has apologized for using another writer’s work in a piece he sent to Rogue magazine, is mentioned once.

The main story for Pangilinan’s plagiarism was annotated and even  included a video.  Yuson’s story only told us that “several paragraphs in Yuson’s article in Rogue Magazine were nearly identical to passages in a story by sportswriter Rey Joble published on GMA News Online.” Oh, and that Yuson is a better writer than all of us. Combined.

I’m hoping GMA News Online comes out with a statement on this. Something that says more than “Yeah, yeah, plagiarism. By the way, did you hear about Pangilinan’s graduation speech and that plagiarizing Supreme Court justice?”

Background and discussion over at FireQuinito.com

[EDIT: Yuson is no longer listed as an editor-at-large for GMA News Online. They must have been angry enough after all. All those hours on MS Paint gone to waste.]

[EDIT 2:  Removed some stuff after reading link above because I’m a pansy. Enjoy the infographic, though.]

And so it goes

Allegedly!

Indolent Indio has received reports from an unimpeachable source (which is to say, he cannot be impeached even by 2/3 vote of the House of Representatives) that money is flooding into the media in anticipation of the impeachment trial of Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez in May.

 

Our source says payoffs go up to as much as P50,000 for one guy who does blind items. Payoffs are significantly smaller for guys who don’t do blind items, or are less famous than this famous guy who does blind items.

 

We cannot prove this but they’re supposedly being paid to launch black propaganda campaigns against Senators Franklin Drilon and Jinggoy Estrada.
“Marami ang yayaman, abangan mo (A lot of people will get rich,watch for it),” our source said.