Sadly, this is no more absurd than the thinly-veiled “advocacy ads” that our presumptive presidential candidates have been spending millions on months before the official campaign period.
Pres. Quezon actually did endorse Ang Tibay shoes, if memory serves. But, you know, those were shoes, not abstracts like hard work and perseverance.
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Enraged by early campaigning and/or our mediocre Photoshop skills? Feel free to make your own political ads and post them below. Or not. It’s up to you, really.
Judging from the drug cartels that have allegedly infiltrated show business circles and the recent nationwide drug testing in schools, the Philippines must be awash in narcotics of all kinds.
Things were not always this way, though. Back when all the addicts had to go on were meth and marijuana, people went to great lengths to get high. High enough to believe that totally non-narcotic products could give them some sort of buzz, at least.
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“Say Chiz” was the corny slogan used by Sen. Francis Escudero in his successful 2007 senatorial campaign.
He has since been climbing to the top of popularity surveys and could very well be the next president of the Philippines, partly because he gives good sound bites.
If you think about it, though, “Say Chiz” might be more aptly replaced with “say what?,” which is the thinking person’s reaction to hearing him on the news.
Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile has threatened to pull ZTE-NBN whistle blower Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada,Jr.’s Senate security detail for bringing them along on his golf games.
Supposedly, Lozada even has them caddy his games when he’s not hiding at La Salle Greenhills because of threats to his life.
He said that if Lozada can go out and play golf, then that might mean that his life is no longer in danger. And that is where Enrile–sharp legal mind that he is–is wrong.
A member of the Philippine Football Team has tested positive for the dreaded (and slightly deadly) Influenza A (H1N1) in Singapore, sending the team’s Singaporean liaison and anyone who has come into close contact with the team into quarantine.
Accordingly, the game that they were scheduled to play has been cancelled.
Cancelled!
A hero’s welcome has been prepared for them by Environment and Natural Resources secretary Jose “Lito” Atienza, Jr. to honor “their spirit of true sportsmanship, their being the true epitome of team work, and for bringing honor and glory to the Philippines.”
A motorcade will bring them from the Ninoy Aquino International Airport through the streets of Manila and to Malacanang for a grand reception that will be hosted by President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.
Face masks and squeeze-bottles of hand sanitizer will be distributed at the event.
The Best Street Ever was turned into the Best Motorcade Ever this week after the Metro Manila Development Authority decided to move their U-Turn slots without warning again.
To address the complaints of confused and irate motorists, the MMDA deployed dozens of traffic officers to stand around and wave their hands ineffectively to send the message of “fuck you, motorists.”
Sen. Manuel Villar, Jr. has been selling the public his formula for success over the past few months. He says that the future of the nation is hinged on “two things: hardwork and perseverance.”
And he does have these two things indeed, judging from the billion-peso empire he’s created in real estate.
That being said, Villar lacks two other things that might come in handy when you’re a president: big brass balls.
FANTASYLAND!
In Zamboanga Del Norte, there is an actual amusement park called Gloria’s Fantasyland. Named for Pres. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo,one must suppose, since she’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me.
It’s pretty cheesy to name an amusement park after the President, but it’s a small price to pay to give kids in Mindanao a chance to forget that they live on a resource-rich island that the government has neglected for decades.
If I were a kid in Mindanao, I’d call it the Ferdinand Marcos-Erap Estrada Demo-Crazy World Of Fun if it meant getting a chance to visit what is supposedly the “biggest theme park outside of Metro Manila.”
Metro Manila Is A Theme Park
There is one small hitch as Manuel Buencamino points out:
Gloria’s Fantasyland is owned by Romeo Jalosjos, a former congressman convicted of two counts of statutory rape and six counts of acts of lasciviousness against an 11-year-old girl.
Otherwise, it’s pretty cool.
Agrarian Reform Secretary and King of Valley Golf Nasser Pangandaman just confirmed that President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will be seeking a seat on the House of Representatives in 2010.
With the entire machinery of Lakas-Kampi CMD backing her and, you know, being the fucking president of the country, you won’t need computerized elections to tell you who’ll be representing the 2nd District of Pampanga in the 15th Congress.
It's-a-me, Gloria!
46% of the country thinks she’s a liar and a cheat, but she’ll win by a landslide in Pampanga anyway and bury her opponents, if anyone else even bothers to file for candidacy at all.
The No Elections conspiracy theorists were right after all, there won’t be any elections, not in the 2nd District of Pampanga, anyway.
For Independence Day ‘09, The Indolent Indio is publishing a series of posts that touch on nationalism, freedom, and crass comedy.
This is us cheating by reposting old stuff you may not have seen yet.
We put this here so you'll think we're credible
“Bad as they were, our Spanish conquerors did not spend all day dreaming up ways to make us miserable. They made us miserable by their very existence, milking our labor and resources to feed their empire. Still, we have to admit that their centuries as our overlords left us some good things too.”
“Every settlement in this country that rates a paved main street has a street named after Dr. Jose Rizal.”
“Decisive set-piece battles are not in the Filipino subconscious. When we say patay kung patay, we mean our willingness to kill, not to die.”
“The Philippine Revolution, you say? Which one? The Katipunan was made up of factions that acted independently of each other except during elections and such (and not even then, if Andres Bonifacio has anything to say about it.)”